May 2009
3 posts
April 2009
8 posts
A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined...
MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I’m having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let’s talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won’t tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren’t.
MOM: I’m angry! I’m angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I’m angry, too! We’re angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I’m crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don’t tell the kids.
Suddenly, the silence was broken by the susurrus of a distant queef. I knew then...
– Tales of Woe: The Memoirs of Pinsophocles
Shakes and Bakes
I hope my followers delight to read…
Feast upon Titus Andronicus now:
(Iambic Pentameter, yea bitches!)
Hark, villains! I will grind your bones to dust And with your blood and it I’ll make a paste, And of the paste a coffin I will rear And make two pasties of your shameful heads, And bid that strumpet, your unhallow’d dam, Like to the earth swallow her own increase. This is...
CAH
Played Cards Against Humanity last night and it was AWESOME.
Favorite round:
What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
A can of whoop-ass
Puberty
Indiana Jones in the Refrigerator
March 2009
2 posts